In order to understand codependence, we must first understand dependence. Which can be thought as an addiction to behaviors, people, or things. Though we often think of addiction as being relatedonly to tobacco, alcohol, drugs, or some other harmful substance that is not the case. People can be addicted to a lot of things, including other people. It is possible to be addicted to worry, excessive planning, both good and bad. The problem with addiction is that it is an evidence of lack of balance. The random house abridged dictionary defines co-dependence as a relationship in which one person is physically or psychologically addicted to alcohol or gambling and the other person is psychologically dependent on the first in an unhealthy way. So a co-dependent is a person who is in a relationship with another individual who is addicted to, obsessed by, or controlled by something harmful or destructive.
For example, when my husband and I were first married, I was addicted to certain emotional feelings like anger. Ninety percent of the time I was mad about something. Because I was abused in my younger days, I was filled with repressed, bitterness and rage. If Dave had not been very secure in his relationship with God and with who he was in Christ, he might have allowed himself to be affected by my attitude and behavior. My husband would not allow himself to become co-dependent on me because he would not allow me to put my problems off on him. For example I would get mad at him and want to argue with him, but he would just go his way in complete harmony and peace. I used to get angry with him because he wouldn’t fuss and fight with me. I would yell at him, ‘what’s the matter with you? You are not even human!’ One of the best things that my husband ever did for me was refuse to allow me to make him unhappy. None of us is responsible for the happiness of anyone.
Don’t allow yourself to become co-dependent with anyone. Don’t let other people put their problems off on you. Don’t let others make you miserable just because they are miserable. If you have a family, don’t allow your spouse or you’re your children control your emotions and steal your joy.
Don’t let others make you miserable just because they are miserable.
Just because they may have made a decision that has made their life miserable doesn’t mean you are obligated to join them in their misery. Help them if you can but don’t fall into the trap of trying to solve other people’s problems or make them happy.